Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"I Still Want us to Be Friends" - Who am I Kidding? No, I Don't

Time can never fly fast enough during a break-up. Nor is there enough of it between the break-up and the ex-es e-mail months later wanting to take you up on your offer to still be friends. That butter knife line rusts and buttered feelings harden over time.

But, I did say it. I just didn't really mean it. In relationship-ending times, vague, subjective words only serve as flotation devices to get me the hell out of the quick-sand situations. Concrete words such as "never" and "not going to happen" only sink the boat. Honesty should never be an option.

I've been spending countless hours of my waking life curled-up on my loveseat watching dramatic, fictional lives unfold as my own drifts further into the fog. My weekends are sucked into these lives, my nights are spent alone with my computer. Still, anything is better than communicating with the ex again. Life isn't that bad.

This week's episode of How I Met Your Mother takes on this theme. No matter how much growing up we do between relationships, we never need nor want to revisit relationships if a bedroom is, instead, available. That's where my own friends-after-relationship always end before I toss the girl back into the closet to collect dust alongside our pictures together and love-letters that I'll re-read when it's time to move and grow again. I'll wonder "what if" and remember that 30-year time-lapse it took me to break-up the first time. I'm too young to do it all over again.

Leave the merry-go-round in that box and don't revisit the playground. It's depressingly humbling to see for yourself that you've out-grown what you used to enjoy. Now, imagine how she would feel when she sees this realization in your eyes. Let her go play with someone she can outgrow.


Post a Comment

<< Home